Mail on Sunday

Q What Do You Get When You Cross an Iranian Comic with a Jewish Bbc Chief? A One Almighty Row

IT WAS supposed to be a conference about taste and decency on TV. But the audience of 200 of Britain's top comedy writers and performers were left speechless when a leading comedian tore into a BBC chief after telling an 'offensive' joke poking fun at Jews. British-born Iranian comedian Omid Djalili had a ten-minute rant at BBC3 controller Danny Cohen in which he questioned his credentials to run the channel and repeatedly interrupted the executive when he tried to answer.

Mclaren Chief in Lone Plea to Court [Scot Region Edition 2]

LEWIS HAMILTON'S new McLaren boss, Martin Whitmarsh, plans to throw himself at the mercy of Formula One's supreme court by making a lone presentation in Paris on Wednesday. While senior figures within McLaren-Mercedes have urged that he should be accompanied by lawyers, Whitmarsh's instinct is to act alone when the team discover their fate after admitting that Hamilton and sporting director Davey Ryan had been untruthful to race stewards after the Australian Grand Prix.

Semis Could Be Returning [Eire Region Edition 2]

Heineken Cup Semi-Final ; Munster V Leinster [Eire Region Edition 2]

Croke Park, Saturday, 5.30pm (live Sky RONAN O'Gara was well wide of the mark. In his autobiography published last year, he reflected on Munster's seminal win over Leinster in the 2006 Heineken Cup semi-final and suggested: 'We'll probably never play such a big match again where we'll have personal feelings for the losers. In every way, that game was a one-off.' Except it isn't. Next Saturday, the tribes will again battle it out for a spot in a European decider, only this time with the stakes...

Brown Thomas Owner Is Richest Irish Person [Eire Region]

BROWN THOMAS owner Hilary Weston is Ireland's richest person. The former model achieved a 29pc jump in her wealth last year, bringing her fortune to an estimated E5bn. Her family owns Selfridges in Britain and a controlling share of George Weston food processors in North America. The Canadianbased billionaire was born in Dublin in 1942 and has two Irish-born children, Alannah and Galen Jr.

Diplomatic Unity As Tom and Leslie Negotiate a Pact ; but Tom Jr Goes All Coy About His Plans for His Movie Star Girl, Sarah Bolger [Eire Region]

IT POURED all morning - but the clouds parted for the wedding of former US ambassador Tom Foley and his bride, Leslie Ann Fahrenkopf. As the star-studded mix of well wishers gathered for the ceremony, the sun beamed on Christ Church in Celbridge and the floral bouquets of freesias and hydrangeas decorating the door and the aisle.

The Game Is Up ; Ten Team League Could Mean More Clubs Going Out of Business, Claims Bray Wanderers' Eddie Gormley [Eire Region]

THERE'S a familiar feel to this week's round of fixtures in the Premier Division. Bohemians take on Dundalk, last season's table toppers in their respective divisions going head-to-head. Jeff Kenna, meanwhile, will try and outwit his former assistant, Ian Foster as St Pat's tussle with Galway United. If it feels like the league has been here before, it's because it has - less than two months ago. This weekend saw the completion of the first round of fixtures. Every club has already got to kno...

Ok There Heid? ; Mentor Irvine Hails Caldwell and Tells Him the Premier League Is His for the Taking [Eire Region]

convinced that a return to the English UPON hearing the announcement of his nomination for the PFA Player of the Year Award recently, Gary Caldwell adopted some self-deprecation to cope with the plaudits that quickly came his way. Caldwell has, for most of his career, answered to the nickname 'Heid' and the Celtic fans have lately seized on this nugget of dressing-room wit. When quizzed about hearing an affectionate chant instead of the moans that were a feature of his early Celtic career, Ca...

Northmpton 2 Hereford 1 [Eire Region]

NORTHAMPTON will need a point from their match against Milton Keynes Dons on Tuesday night to ensure survival. They went ahead in the 29th minute when a cross from Mark Hughes found Andy Holt beyond the far post, and the midfielder crashed a shot past Hungarian goalkeeper Peter Gulacsi.

Tranmere 1 Yeovil 1 [Eire Region]

TRANMERE lived dangerously against a determined Yeovil side, but did just enough to keep their play-off hopes alive. It was Yeovil who went ahead after 67 minutes, Jon Obika firing in off the far post from a difficult angle.

Huddersfield 2 Brighton 2 [Eire Region]

Mk Dons Will Have to Take Their Chances [Eire Region]

MK DONS will have to take their chances in the play-offs after Jabo Ibehre gave Walsall a 1-0 win to end Roberto di Matteo's hopes of automatic promotion. The Dons had been pushing Peterborough hard for second place with a run of four straight wins, but Ibehre (pictured) secured a shock win for Walsall.

It's Celebration Time for One Ferguson Already [Eire Region]

COLCHESTER 0 PETERBORO 1 DARREN FERGUSON led the celebrations as Peterborough clinched a second successive promotion with a 1-0 win at Colchester.

Cheltenham 1 Carlisle 1 [Eire Region]

DRISSA DIALLO'S penalty 10 minutes from time was not enough to prevent Cheltenham's relegation. They knew only a win would keep them alive, but could only draw despite Carlisle being reduced to nine men when Evan Horwood and Michael Bridges were both sent off.

They May Be Down, but There Is Still Life at Battling St Mary's [Eire Region]

SOUTHAMPTON 2 BURNLEY 2 THEY slumped off at the end, heads down, not knowing if there would ever be a way back.

Keane Makes an Instant Impact [Eire Region]

CARDIFF 0 IPSWICH 3 Counago (34), Norris (51), Stead (90)

Irish Warned As Swine Flu Kills 68 in Mexico City [Eire Region]

PEOPLE travelling to Mexico have been warned to be vigilant as a deadly pig flu virus that may have killed up to 68 people continues to spread. Schools and public buildings have been closed and residents donned face masks in the capital, Mexico City, as concerns grew over the scale of the outbreak of what experts say is a strain of swine flu never seen before.

Spending Eur 750 On a Mobile Is Impossible - but Not for Our Tds ; How Our Leaders Squeeze Every Last Cent Out of Phone Allowance [Eire Region]

IT'S next to impossible to pay much more than E400 for a mobile phone - and that would be for the very best available - but our enterprising politicians have somehow found a way. At your expense, of course. All TDs and senators have an allowance of - wait for it - E750 for the cost of a new mobile phone every 18 months.

Harney Was Making It Up About Bowel Cancer Scans, Says Gp Boss [Eire Region]

IT WAS one of the key points behind her emotive vow last Friday on RTE that there would 'never again' be another Suzie Long-type case. Invoking the memory of the Kilkenny woman who tragically died in 2007 seven months into her wait for a colonoscopy, Health Minister Mary Harney assured listeners to Radio 1's News At One that new cancer diagnosis referral systems were in place.

What a 'Joy! ; Gas Protester Maura Says Jail Was More Like a Month-Long Holiday [Eire Region]

IF OIL giant Shell thought the jailing of Corrib Gas protester Maura Harrington would shut her up, it can think again. Less than two weeks after the former school principal was released from Mountjoy women's prison, she was back protesting.