Bond but Don't Bind

Mail on SundayMay 31, 2009

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Summary


In a recent newspaper interview, novelist and writer Fay Weldon said, 'I advise women not to bond. It sentences you to a lifetime's anxiety.' What did she mean? Here the mother of four explains why a little bonding with your children may be a good thing, but too much can be bad for all concerned

The first time I heard the word 'bonding' was in 1977. It was two days after the birth of my fourth baby. The hospital midwife came round and asked, 'Has your milk come in yet, mother?' I said yes and she ticked the appropriate box. Then she asked, 'And have you bonded yet?' I was puzzled. What could she mean? Some physiological process I had somehow overlooked, even after three babies? Some new kind of glue one was meant to use when breast-feeding? She became impatient as I hesitated. Did I love baby and want to protect him? And I said, startled, 'Yes, of .

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Bond but Don't Bind

.course.' She said darkly, 'No "of course" about it,' but ticked the box and went away. I hugged the baby to my overflowing, painful bosom to protect him from the madness of strangers.

And since those first early days - I must have been there at the very birth of the concept - the act of 'b...

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