Should I Give Him an Ultimatum or Wait for Him to Commit? ; Your Problems Answered
Mail on Sunday › June 19, 2011
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Summary
I have been dating a commitment-phobic man for three years. Every time we get to the point where he says he will move forward into what I call a 'grown-up' relationship, he backs down. The signs are mixed - recently he paid my son's school fees, but he will not live with me and he has just taken a job where he is away all week. He is 44 and ours is the longest relationship he has ever had. I have a busy life and a great job but I feel second best to his independent life. When we met he said he wanted to marry and have children. When we were due to sign a contract on a new house, he suddenly went on a skiing trip. He says he loves me and wants to make it work but at 42 I fear if I wait around for him to sort himself out, I will be too old to have more children.
He has started counselling to deal with his commitment issues. Do I give him an ultimatum or continue to wait? He has all the traits of a commitment-phobic man - just when everything is going well and you get to a stage in the relationship when you expect more, he runs for the hills. His poor track record on long commitment is another sign, and taking a job that only allows him to be around at weekends yet another. Often, a commitment-phobic man wants to have a secure relationship but when that becomes a reality he panics and either leaves or back-pedals madly. Don't issue an ultimatum - they rarely work - but set one in your own head. As he is trying to deal with this in counselling, you may want to give him a little longer, say three to six months. But if nothing changes then you have waited long enough.See the full content of this document
Extract
Should I Give Him an Ultimatum or Wait for Him to Commit? ; Your Problems Answered
MY SOCIAL LIFE IS NONEXISTENT
My wife and I have a happy marriage. Our children have left home and become parents. But at 50 my life is on hold because of my inability to sustain social contacts. Col...See the full content of this document
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