Tulisa's Skirt Was so Short I Could See Her Vocal Cords! [Scot Region Edition 2]

Summary

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SO, ANOTHER year, another clutch of wannabes. It is the biggest night of the contestants' lives, which, as they are barely out of nappies, isn't saying an awful lot. Don't they know their disappointments and triumphs are still ahead of them? We are live at Wembley Arena, with the 10,000-strong audience baying for blood, or at least saline. The three finalists - Little Mix, Marcus Collins and Amelia Lily - perform with their mentors... How cut-price and self-aggrandising is that? In previous years, we had George Michael. This year it's Gary Barlow singing a Billy Joel song. Ah well, we always knew the judges' egos were bigger than even Beyonce's behind.

The contestants all give it '110 per cent', of course. That's a given these days: a mathematical impossibility. The finalists sing a Take That song, and I hear Gary's pockets chinking.

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Tulisa's Skirt Was so Short I Could See Her Vocal Cords! [Scot Region Edition 2]

We then see film of Marcus at his council house in Liverpool with Gary, who looks like a squaddie with his shaven head. Joining the Armed Forces is one...

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